I joined a women’s group. It cost me $75 and when I got their magazine I knew I was in trouble. As I read the member bios I saw the names of corporate executives and high-powered lawyers. I decided to give it a try during their summer luncheons.

During the first luncheon I sat next to a teacher and retired corporate lawyer and made them laugh. Things were looking up so I decided to attend the second luncheon. The day before the second luncheon I realized I needed to do my roots. They looked awful and I wanted to put my best foot forward.

While I am medium brown in hair color I bought black as that is all Dollar Tree had to offer. I decided against wearing the gloves as I was only doing the roots, however, as I looked further at the gray I placed my hand to my head without gloves and swirled the color throughout my hair. I washed my hands but the color didn’t come off.

I became frantic as I didn’t want to go to the luncheon with my hands looking like this. I knew I wouldn’t be able to find white gloves by the next day as only Amazon stocked them and I don’t have Amazon Prime. I went to the luncheon and as I sat raised my hands to the group and fessed up. Laughter commenced and they said, “Nail polish pads.” They are more brilliant than I thought.

I have a small flower garden outside the sliding glass doors of my condo.  If anyone read my golfer story you know I fiercely protect it from those fellas as I love it.  I have even applied Feng Shui techniques to it and found my life has improved with these tweaks.

I read in my Feng Shui readings that if you place a rose bush on the path to your home prickly neighborhood situations arise.  Alas, I had found the reason why I haven’t yet assimilated in Florida society and quickly made plans to move the bush.

In doing this I went to the source, that being google, and sadly found this wasn’t the season for replanting rose bushes.  Determined to beat the odds and maintain the $29.99 bush, (yes, I blew the wad on this), I did it anyway.

Upon replanting I placed my Blessed Mother statute firmly next to it and promised her the future buds. I figured she could do a rose bush as she kept my condo secure during Hurricane Matthew.

With the daily heavy Florida rains the bush quickly hydrated.  During this time, I moved our lady indoors but she still was watching her potential flowers.  The bush is now 4 feet in height and Our Lady has been richly rewarded.  Even the neighborhood seems a little less prickly.  There is a God.

My knee has been talking to me the past few days.  Besides the pain, it is saying time to lose those last 15 pounds.  My millennium female sport doc was right when after reading all the reports said in her unempathetic tone, “You got to lose the weight.”  While empathy was lacking, she was correct.

For the next several months I worked on it and was successful in losing 20 pounds.   I ate oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch, dinner was low calorie, and a handful of almonds every day.  I learned this trick from Ellie, a staffer at my first St. Augustine condo.  Almonds do something to curb your appetite – give them a handful.

Once the weight departed I no longer felt pain with each step. My entire body felt better and it’s not about beauty, it’s about health.  Buying new clothes was pure joy and to donate the others for a tax deduction even better.

Now, for those of you who continued to read even after seeing the word weight I applaud you.  See, it was painless as my knees will be once again when I lose those last 15 pounds.E

I recently purchased a trip to Africa on Groupon. I lied. I bought three and in doing this met so many wonderful people that I bought Groupon stock. At $3.94, it’s a bargain and bound to go up.

My first Groupon purchase was for a Miami parking venue. Since I had never been to Miami I was unaware of my need to bring a Spanish dictionary or better yet a translator. While Andrea  (my GPS) insisted I had arrived at my final destination I viewed nothing but a grove of trees. I madly inquired of everyone I saw but few spoke English.

The horror story increased as the time for boat departure decreased. I started my search at 12 and over 2 hours had past. I was fearful the boat would leave at 4 without me. Each time I called the parking lot venue I received a phone message. I left my number but received no call back. In my final call, I received the owner who guided me down each street till I found the lot.

As I entered the lot I realized the problem, a massive tree had blocked their sign. Andrea was correct in her directions but placed us in the wooded lot next door. Since the transportation from lot to boat was not included the manager got me an Uber, translated to the driver and I made the boat.

Upon my return from the cruise I chuckled as a tree surgeon was cutting down the offending limb which had blocked the sign. And the best part was Groupon gave me my money back in credit which I turned into the end tables I was yearning for.

As I opened my refrigerator I noted a thick layer of black water on the top shelf.  Aghast I ran to the sink picked up my sponge and began to soak up this massive mess which had now leaked to the bottom of the refrigerator.

Unable to understand what had happened I recalled I owned a home warranty insurance policy. Surely, this would be covered. My angel realtors, Sandy and Edie, had obtained this for me and the seller paid.

While cleaning I found the perpetrator.  The day prior as I attempted to open the can it fell to the floor.  I found it had a flip top and gleefully I opened it, however, I must have put a dent in the other end of the can with the can opener. This was the cause of the massive mess I was now cleaning.

Three years ago a similar dilemma occurred which I had to clean up.  I spent two days in bed with hand agony after the episode and want to credit the man who gave me back my hands and my life.

Dr. Melvin

Thank you.