The Computer Comedian: Xfinity/Comcast

NOTE: Commercial

I have started my day with Xfinity, formerly known as Comcast.  Why they ever changed their name I will never know.  Was this a ploy to make it more difficult to contact them?  Not that’s a real conspiracy theory.

My next step, locate the customer service number.  The number is listed as 1-800-Xfinity.  The Comcast/Xfinity Conspiracy Theory continues… locating the alpha that corresponds with the number to make the call.

Number accessed I am now up to 15 minutes in this new adventure.  Have to call it an adventure as I am already talking loudly or screaming at the Bot on the phone who calls me by name. She is stern in her, “Hello, Kathleen,” and she apparently needs a hearing aid as she is unable to hear me.

I hear a stir in the ceiling and realize my new upstairs neighbor must hear my screams. It is 7:30 am on Sunday.  Have yet to meet the neighbor but she now knows my voice.  Another ax in the coffin of a condo community which already hates me.  Mental note:  Will need to introduce myself after call with a welcoming gift..   I digress.  Back to Comcast/Xfinity.

Under the mountain of “stuff” on my desk I locate my address book.  Yes, I am the last person in the world to have one of these relics.  It has 4 pages of Comcast/Xfinity numbers.   It states the MHC, Serial, and SSID numbers. I wonder what secrets they will reveal…

I listen to the bot questions which do not in any way correlate with what I need or want however I humor her and then repeatedly say customer service. To this response I receive an advertisement of programs which can be received for $29.95 a month, special offer.  At least that got my attention as what woman doesn’t like a bargain.

I hang up and call again visualizing a human being.  One arrives in the name of Filipi. She is a Phllipino with excellent English, however, after 5 minutes realizes she cannot help me.  She requests my password, however, the password does not work. There is no line stating change or forgot password on the screen.  We are at an impasse.

I politely relay the time I have spent and Filipi quickly realizes I need a supervisor.  To this my heart sings.  Perhaps she has read the “notes” on me which states customer can go from nice to  #1 B-tch, in 5 seconds..   Doubt if anyone wrote in these comments “JUSTIFIED.”

I am transferred to Alicia in sales.  She is an American but why I am in sales I have no idea.  After 50 years of making these calls one can tell an American.  Never heard a Philipino or Indian customer service rep take that name, it’s usually Mary.

Alicia takes my number and somehow I think she’s going to get this right.  We have a brief, but friendly chat and get to business.  She reads the notes and I ask if there isn’t a button to push where a calendar shows up to date change the vacation/seasonal service. She laughs while cruising the screens.

Alicia takes my new number and even though I already changed it with Comcast/Xfinity apparently it didn’t change through the entire system?. She changes the number assuring me if disconnected she will call me back.  Fat chance, but, I politely thank her. 

I am placed on hold and Alicia does not return.  I am transferred to another agent after listening to 4 minutes of messages saying to have my social security number and account number available.  While waiting I consider hanging up again but decide against. What do I have to lose?

It’s now 8 a.m. on Sunday and another Phillipino is on the line. How do I know? I ask.  We make polite chit chat about working in NYC with great Phillipino nurses as I am a nurse.  I pray I have made points with this gal and resolution is near.

This gal must have gotten an A in her customer service class as she humors me with a wealth of I’m sorry, no worries, and the like.  Now they are even saying thank you for using our service.  This is a new talking point.

 I ask her to review the notes of the call before I rehash my angst.  As she goes to the screens and reviews my service commitment she states the day of reconnection is November 22nd.  This is today!  I can’t believe my ears as I verify today’s date.  ALICIA HAS SUCCEEDED and I am very grateful….

We test the internet and it works.  CBS on line is up and running and I have only missed 15 minutes of Jane Pauley, one of my 3 CBS Queens, along with Gayle, and Nora.  Life is good and I will smile as I pay the next Comcast/Xfinity bill.

The Next Day..  As I watch CBS with Gayle my service stops four times in 15 minutes.  Each time I shut down and re boot.   It starts.  Then service stops entirely and a message from Xfinity appears with a red door on the screen.  They are welcoming me back, however this nice gesture is not good news.  They state I need to call the 1-800-Xfinity number.  I remove my trusty address book and am greeted by Semina, another Philipino service agent.   

In 25 minutes I am trained in modem, cable box, and we connect the television.  The woman has golden patience and thankfully the address book holds all the 16-digit numbers needed.  I learn an SN number is a Serial Number and other points which hopefully I will never have to use again.

We end our work together and she states she must write notes regarding our encounter.  I am on hold a very long time and wonder what she is writing about me.  I cannot begin to imagine, “Stupid old woman, lacks knowledge in anything computer.”  When she returns to the call I jest about my stupidity, however she assures me this is not true.  She too must have taken the upgraded customer service class on dealing with nimkinpoops.  At least she did not try to sell extra service.  With the cost of training me on service usage their profit would be lost.

The conversation is closed with Happy Thanksgiving, (do they have one in the Philippines??), stay healthy, good luck, and profuse thank yous.    I consider.. should I leave the television on continuously as well as the internet??  And if not, what will tomorrow bring?   Let’s hope not another 1-800-Xfinity call and if so maybe another sparkling foreign service worker will answer.

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